If You Own an iPhone, You Need to Get Some Balls

Every man is born with a pair of balls (unless you are one of the few that were not, in which case I am very sorry). Now ask any man, and they’ll tell you that having a set of testicles is the bee’s knees. Despite having to guard them like fragile eggs from the occasional ball tap, having balls just doesn’t get any better. The feeling you get when you scratch an itchy set of balls is incomparable to anything else.

By now you are probably asking, “Hurricane, what does any of this have to do with my iPhone?” Well let me go off on another tangent before I explain what this has to do with your iPhone.

You see, sometime in the late 90’s a very ingenious man thought about how awesome his balls were. He asked himself, “how can I spread the glory of my nuts?” And what he came up with is truck nuts.



Truck nuts are proudly displayed pieces of plastic resembling a human male’s testicles. They come in various shapes, sizes and colors (I wonder how popular blue balls are?). They hang from the back of a truck, in plain sight for all to be mesmerized by.

For some reason, the truck nuts wave of popularity never spawned spin-offs, like “lawnmower nuts,” “moped nuts,” or even Amish-inspired “horse n’ buggy nuts.” That is, until today.

The world is now blessed with the existence of Phoneballs. Phoneballs allow you to give your iPhone a set of balls. They look amazingly awesome and they have many uses:

Phoneballs can protect your iPhone. These balls come attached to a very nice silicon case that surrounds and protects your phone.
Phoneballs will attract all the ladies. Do not attempt to use corny pickup lines at the bars any longer. Just pull out your iPhone and flaunt your balls. Women will automatically be attracted to you because you have two pairs of balls!
The balls act as a guard against dust and dirt getting into the data port on your iPhone.
Just like your balls, your iPhone’s balls are fun to play with!
When you buy a set of Phoneballs, you help fight testicular cancer. (the company donates a portion of their profits to testicular cancer research)
Phoneballs are a great conversation starter: “Hey, check out my balls!”

Now if you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking, “But Hurricane, I already have my own balls, I don’t know if I can take care of two pairs!” This is a valid concern to have, but the great thing is that Phoneballs require no maintenance. Your iPhone will never ask you to scratch its nuts. Best of all, your phone’s balls can take a pounding; you will never need to protect them the same way you protect your family jewels.

So do not wait another second. Get a pair of balls for iPhone and be proud. Display them like your first born son. There limitlessly useful and work great as a gift. Best of all, they can be offensive to woman and young children! So be a man, be proud, and be ballsy.