2010 Joke Thread

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is

(It was valid).

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card

(the driver owned it)

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but I can assure you there's no gun in it

(Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box).

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: A WHAT??? Good heavens, I hope not!!!

(Trunk is opened - no body).

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: - Yeah, I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding, too.

Subject: DONT MESS WITH TEXAS !!!!
Seguin, TX

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV.
The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass." Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his bar stool, then stomps out.

He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer.

Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and
says, "She is a horse's ass too!"

Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face,
knocking him off his bar stool again.

He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"


"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."